Emotional Rollercoaster

This week has been quite the emotional rollercoaster for me. I was so hopeful on Monday that Zyggie would show improved growth that it was a bit of a shock when they recommended going ahead with induction.

Since then, I've been worried about Zyggie and whether he/she will do well outside of my womb. I'm scared of the induction process, knowing that contractions often come hard and fast with induction. Will I react well to the process? Will Zyggie? Will I be able to do this vaginally or will I end up with a c-section?

I've also spent a lot of time thinking about how our lives are about to change. I've, selfishly, been saddened that we won't get to go to the Maple Leaf Festival this weekend. I feel guilty when I think about how Sadie will no longer be an only child. In 3 days, I will no longer be pregnant - this thought makes me well up.

The doctor gave us a weight estimate on Monday of 4lbs, 15oz. That is tiny! Does Zyggie really weigh that little or does he/she take after us? After all, Adam and I are not tall people, but we have heavy bones. Both of us are the kind of people who look like we weigh a lot less than we do. Most people would look at the not-pregnant me and assume I weigh all of 105lbs, but in reality, I weigh about 130. Maybe Zyggie hides his/her weight the same way? I know they determine that weight estimate based on measurements of the legs, head, abdomen, etc.

Anyway, I know it seems silly that I'm so overwhelmed with emotion. I should be excited to meet our child, but I find myself overwhelmed. I keep telling Adam it would almost be better to go into labor spontaneously. At least then I wouldn't have the opportunity to brood on these things.

I know that things will be alright. We are delivering at the hospital with the best NICU in the state and I will do whatever is necessary for the two of us (Zyggie and me) to be healthy. In the meantime, I'm trying to accept and acknowledge my fears.

Wish me luck tomorrow!